Old Hand Answers Hate Mail... or Expat Robinson Crusoe Theory Confirmed

Old Hand Answers Hate Mail... or Expat Robinson Crusoe Theory Confirmed

Phone Ninja is going to express her dissatisfaction on the Internet

Anyone who has spent any amount of time in Taiwan expat online spheres knows that it contains a real mixed bag of characters. Some are nice, helpful people. Others are mostly neutral. Still others put their mental issues on display for all to see. You know you've stirred up the snowflakes in the latter category when you start receiving 'triggered' responses in the comments. Of course, in the Taiwan expat world, those responses are also going to be colored by the delusions and generalized weirdness that only comes from our unique "community." Without further ado, I'll post some excerpts from love letters I received from those special individuals (actually, they are often from one particularly troubled soul) who thought my descriptions of expat Robinson Crusoe types were perhaps a little too close to home. Link for context: https://oldhandtaiwan.blogspot.tw/2017/11/expat-robinson-crusoe-syndrome.html

Job Snob

"I can see your world revolves around English teachers. You seem to have a slightly unhealthy obsession with this."

Response: Re: English teachers, I have nothing personally against them,-- it's just a job, but you sure seem to. Anyway... who I know and what my world revolves around are not things you could possibly know anything about. I think you're just projecting or expressing a weird sort of self-loathing malaise... And, anyway, what a weird response to comedy.

Made-up Manager Magnate

"I am a senior manager in an international company. I've got 3 local credit cards and have been one of many expats and locals involved in improving Taiwan's immigration policies..."

Response: Ok, "Unknown" (of course, no name given), you're a jet-setter who wants us to believe you poop on gilded toilet seats and you post, anonymously of course, about how many credit cards you have(?!)... you told me you're a member of the Trump family and fly on private jets, own your own islands etc... I think I've described you aptly [in the article] and that's why you're on the troll. Oh, right. The Rockefeller's never troll. LMAO.

Calling the bluff: 

Since you've made claims to being a business magnate and someone who is directly involved in local immigration law, I'm going to give you the opportunity to prove these claims. Please post your real name as well as links to verifiable profiles. Also provide links to your company and to local governmental publications where your name is directly referenced as instrumental in changes to laws (don't worry, I'm proficient in Chinese). Remember: your claims were unsolicited. For some reason, you chose to make them. If you aren't willing to substantiate them, however, you'll forgive me if I dismiss them as products of an over-active imagination. 

I'll leave it up to you guess whether "unknown" ever produced any proof of his/her identity.

Like a bridge over trouble water; I will ease your mind

On fires and boredom

"OldandTaiwan is on a roll here, this blog is on fire!...  OldandTaiwan you're all fired up here, I love it! Post something fun, I'm bored..."

Response: None necessary.

On Fun

"You (sic) blog is fun."

Response: Not near as fun as your comments. To quote McDonald's, I'm lovin' it.

Mellencamp Bug sings: And there's winners and there's losers
But they ain't no big deal
Cause the simple man baby pays for the thrills, the bills
The pills that kill
Oh, but ain't that America

On Winners 

"Ahhhhhh so I win. GG indeed!"

On losers

"God you're an awful loser....Category 10!!! Haha"

Response: You sure sound triggered. Safe space and crayons?

Scatophilia or Loving the Sh*t

"This blog is the saddest pile of crap I've read in ages....love it!" 

Response: *backs away slowly*

Get us out of here, ensign. Warp speed. Engage!

Going off the Rails on a Crazy Train or when an online stalker loses the plot entirely

"No no Oldhand, this post won't do. Pretty lame post, and your 3 or 4 viewers won't get it. They'll be a little lost. You've chopped it up too much and put everything out of context. Stop being such a little worm and at least have the balls to leave the whole dialogue as it played out for viewers to enjoy. Suck it up, be a man and learn from your first online beating. You'll be a more interesting blogger in the long run. You're never going to grow this blog otherwise." 

Jibber-jabber, gobbledygook

Response: ...the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind.

And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they're coming to take me away ha ha

Stop the Violence... while I help you grow

OK I really should stop beating on poor Oldhand, my apologies young lad. Please carry on with your blog. I'm here to help you grow this blog to 10 viewers. with my help it can be done


Response: Oh come now, you're probably responsible for at least a few dozen views with your own triggered autistic fatal attraction to this blog. Be honest now... 

Admitting you have a problem is half the solution 

I confess I have had a rather love hate, almost obsessive attraction to this blog. I don't know if it's your eloquent prose or the nifty pics, but I like it. I have a problem. 

So from this day on, I vow to be stronger. I know I can do it. I leave you now to take the reins and soar my little eagle. Soar! Fly high, be strong! 

Response: 

Conclusion

And there you have it, readers: a sampling of what a blogger who dares to describe the expat delirium receives. It ain't pretty, but it sure is entertaining. I'd say the Crusoe crusaders are triggered. Moral of the story is: be careful choosing your friends among the expat "community" here. Some aren't playing with full decks.